Friday 13 April 2018

‘so familiar it is invisible’



sinking into that old dark state where gloom sticks a little to every bit of news. It can become almost a game, finding what’s wrong, certainly a compulsion, an exercise for the intellect – the reward a little dampening of the spirit: not too much not to function but enough to keep that gloom sticking to the edges. The slight shade of cumudgeonliness that becomes so familiar it devisibilizes, defaults, active acts of perception rendered unnecessary. The slightly sinking increasing downward

nine days quiet withdrawn from speech from catching eyes from gestures from books from words from external acts of imagination, even from the flowers try not to look at the flowers the way they have been planted. And the deepening spiral corkscrews upward in this case violent tearing burning from the leg, wrapping the trunk in continuous purgatory flow fluid scald no aloe no gentling no barrier no blind to soften now a purge that on on on the upsurge spills. 

and I become very proficient at plodding 

the outcome is the same the normal me the I am I always thought I was the tendencies to cheer to joke to lighten given room just because feel like it just because the act occurs to just because the way it’s meant to all flows more

easily surreptitiously painlessly 
painlessly
well yes completely painlessly